O.K. So, I’ll be the first to admit it, I was wrong about self-love!

I was dead wrong about self-love. Dead wrong. I was dead wrong about it’s use. It’s efficacy. It’s power and practicality. If I am completely honest, I missed the boat, the harbor and the city. Yup. It wasn’t until I started doing in-depth research on the subject did I realize just how vital self-love is to everyone. I was initially and I continue to be blown away at the depth of the practicality of self-love. Even after writing a book on the topic, I feel I’ve learned enough to write a second book. But, above all that I’ve learned on my post book journey, one thing rings clear: self love is not a whimsical, fairytale approach to life and happiness. Self-love is a transformative approach to acquiring and maintaining whole health, fulfillment, and success. It is a tool that facilitates personal growth & development. Before I go any further, let my provide the definition for self-love. As per a February 12, 2020 post on the Brain & Behavior Research Foundation’s website…

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth.  Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness.

Brain & Behavior Research Foundation, 2.12.2020

If we do nothing else but allow the definition of self-love to be our guide, we would have an amazing filter through which to pour all of our intents, thoughts & behavior. The definition is comprised of three powerful points. First; a state of appreciation for oneself that is fueled by growth on key levels. Second & third; having a high regard for our own well-being and happiness. In other words if whatever it is we were considering or what we are currently doing jeopardizes or competes with our regard for our well-being and/or happiness, it is safe to say that those are things we should probably pass on. It’s just that simple. Self love as a discipline and as a definition gives us perfect guidelines by which to live a healthy, successful existence. The benefits of self-love should prompt us to take a closer look at the topic. One that could aid our development on a number of levels. Sources tell us that the benefits of self-love are wide ranging. In the interest of time and space, here are a few. First up, Dr. Bryan Robinson explained in a 2021 post on Forbes.com entitled, “How Self-love boosts job performance and career success” the following…

Neuroscientists have discovered a direct link between self-compassion, resilience and success. You’re more likely to enjoy well-being and success when you give yourself occasional doses of self-compassion. Studies show that self-love and self-affirmations serve as “cognitive expanders,” allowing us to talk to ourselves the way we might speak to someone else so that the judgment voice isn’t the only story we tell ourselves. As a result, self-love provides the fuel that boosts our moods, job performance and achievement.

(Robinson, 2021)

And because I am such a science geek, I always look for opportunities to bring science into all of my work. I believe it is an incredible value add to know the scientific bases for things and to tap the empirical evidence that supports what you believe and why you believe the things you embrace. My ideologies aside, I was taken directly to geek heaven with the discovery of the aforementioned information.

 Lindsay Adamson expands our understanding of the topic with the information she shares from an undated article on thriveglobal.com, entitled “5 reason self- love will lead to more success in life.”  Ms. Adamson tells us…

Taking time daily to focus on yourself and your own personal development will lead to you feeling absolutely amazing. Your moods will be more stable. You will have more energy. You will have more positive thoughts. You will smile more often. All of these things will lead to you feeling healthier and more joyful. The better you feel, the bigger the game you will be able to play. The positive energy you are feeling will attract likeminded people into your life and you’ll find that you have more passion and more purpose in your life, which will most certainly equal more success.  Creating success is an inside job. And self-love is the key to becoming the kind of person who has the power to attract everything you desire into your life

Adamson, n.d.

And, speaking of an inside job, what happens deep within us truly matters.  There are laws that exist that would do us well to understood and to govern ourselves accordingly.  One of those laws or principles that you may have been exposed to is “as above so below.”  The same could easily be applied in another direction or sphere: “As within so without” is another of those universal truths that govern or at least should govern our lives if we yield to it.  That said, Carmen Jacob makes it as clear as can possibly be made in her 2021 post on Upjourney.com as she explains, “Self-love is your secret weapon to living a fulfilling life. That’s because your inner world creates your outer world”(Jacob, 2021).

The last two benefits are easy to present as they have been drawn from the same source-a 2019 post on the Daily Star entitled, “The importance of self-love” by Zubayer Zakir Khan.  Zubayer tells us that self-love facilitates better mental health and the development of good habits.  In all, I’ve discovered more than 20 benefits of self-love but suffice it to say, it behooves us to not only give self-love another look but to embrace it as an essential vitamin and that in so doing we might reap the benefits accordingly.  So, I’ll admit that I was totally wrong about self-love and hopefully you realize that you were, too. Self-love should not be an option but an obligation!

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James W. falcon is an author and the founder of a unique helps network through which he provides life, relationship, and business & career coaching. For more on James, his helps network, his most recent publication and/or his coaching, visit: encouragementiskey.org or call or text 1.855.92C.OACH/1.855.962.6224. Thank you.