James W. Falcon, MSOL, CLSSBB
March 19, 2023
(A 6-minute read)
I absolutely love relationship coaching. It’s been as rewarding as it’s been challenging. I will explain the why’s and the how’s shortly. This post is for anyone out there who is interested in jumping into the relationship coaching world. Or, for any coaches that are already in business who are entertaining the idea of adding another line of coaching to their expertise that will be incredibly helpful and profitable. This blog post is also for potential relationship coaching clients out there that may not have been aware of this very viable, valuable option as an answer to the problems they’ve been experiencing. For all: relationship coaching is huge! Coaching in general is huge. An April 7, 2020, post on the Authentic Education site says…
This post is for anyone out there who is interested in jumping into the relationship coaching world. Or, for any coaches that are already in business who are entertaining the idea of adding another line of coaching to their expertise that will be incredibly helpful and profitable.
…coaching is one of the fastest-growing industries in the world. In fact, it is the second-fastest-growing industry on the planet, only second to the IT industry. It is a USD 2.4 billion industry and just continues to grow every year. (Authentic.com.au, 2020).
…coaching is one of the fastest-growing industries in the world. In fact, it is the second-fastest-growing industry on the planet, only second to the IT industry. It is a USD 2.4 billion industry and just continues to grow every year.
Authentic.com.au, 2020
Another online source, depositfix.com sited relationship coaching fourth on their list of the 30 most profitable coaching niches of 2023. It is plain for all to see that coaching is more than just a fad. Yes. Coaching is so much bigger than a fad or “the thing to do this month.” That point was made in a February 24, 2019, post on the populate website, medium.com, which describes coaching as being a part of a robust self-help industry. It describes the evolution of that process by saying, “by the 2000’s, the self-help genre had blossomed from paperback beginnings into a full-blown industry.
Another online source, depositfix.com sited relationship coaching fourth on their list of the 30 most profitable coaching niches of 2023.
Depositfix.com, n.d.
Relationship coaching-a subset of life coaching has been also experienced sizable growth & expansion in its own right for a variety of reasons that I outlined in my previous post: Relationship Readiness. But back to the message I want to convey in this blog. Relationship coaching, like all coaching aids clients to find the healthiest most efficient routes to reach their goals. I have found that the best means to that end is to provide a guideline or a set of guidelines by which the client can relate and agree to follow as a viable pathway to attain their goal. The way I’ve achieved that with my relationship clients is to help them to properly identify unhealthy, unproductive behavior and mindsets. And, to agree to seek new paths by making sure very person makes decisions that fully align with the vision/goal. In this manner clients have a crystal-clear understanding of acceptable vs. unacceptable behavior. I ask them very early in the coaching process, often during the free 20-minute consultation , do you want to be the monster or the medicine?
I have found that the best means to that end is to provide a guideline or a set of guidelines by which the client can relate and agree to follow as a viable pathway to attain their goal.
The weight of that question helps prospective relationship coaching clients to realize that monster-like behavior is what they are used to, it is what they have been investing in. It’s the buss they rode that brought them to me in the first place. Having them choose to be the medicine invites them to see a very powerful principle. That change is desperately needed and that they can become that change to and for themselves and their partners. It brings to life an affirmation that I use with all of my clients: a minor change in perspective can create major change in your trajectory!” I further encourage my clients to understand that they have always been in possession of the change they’ve sought and that I as their coach am only a passenger in the new vehicle they have selected. THEY have always been in the driver seat. When the coaching sessions begin I then help them to understand how to share the driving responsibilities and even how to properly care for each other and how to care for the vehicle they are driving. That process takes place generally anywhere from 5 -12 1hr sessions over a period of about 6-8 weeks.
The weight of that question helps prospective relationship coaching clients to realize that monster-like behavior is what they are used to, it is what they have been investing in. It’s the buss they rode that brought them to me in the first place.
With the one statement-guideline, a challenge is issued. An agreement to an extremely high level of commitment as well as responsibility is reached. With that one guideline the couple is charged to follow the plan we developed in the manner we prescribed. I then provide a curriculum that offers practical instructions for successful daily living. It is an intense live introspective portion of the sessions that I call, the “Replay” where I invite couples to share their most recent arguments and challenges, then I challenge them to use the tools I gave them to replay the argument in a better healthier manner. It’s intense! it’s gut wrenching. And, it hurts because it forces the partners to see the role they have been playing in the destruction of the relationship. It is almost guaranteed that clients will be brought to tears during the “Replay.” And, rather than waste time pointing fingers at who did wrong, clients have a very powerful understanding or the ugly reality they fostered against a much more peaceful, love filled ideal. The partners are challenged with the affirmation to look into the mirror and to judge themselves and to make the changes necessary on a very personal level.
It’s intense! it’s gut wrenching, And, it hurts because it forces the partners to see the role they have been playing in the destruction of the relationship.
Together, coach and clients, determine how they want to care for each other and on how to care for the vehicle so that their goal can be attained. For clarity, the “vehicle” is all of the information discussed in session. The vehicle is the “what”-the goal, the vision. The vehicle is the “when” -the date and the time the finish line will be crossed. The “vehicle” is the “why”-the values that give this goal pursuit process meaning, along with the “how”- exactly how to use the tools given during the sessions. This formula has done wonders for my relationship clients. Like anything, change has its own share of challenges. Usually somewhere around the second session clients experience real change. Change that gives them hope. Change that supercharges them to keep going and change that affirms their decision to try relationship coaching. By the third session, more clarity is given and clients have all the tools they need to continue their goal pursuit and actually attain their goal, i.e., to be successful. The remaining sessions are used to grant clients opportunities to use their tools in real life scenarios. The very last session, a certificate of completion is awarded, a recap is given, and I usually bring in my business partner who is the practice’s coach advisor that facilitates a Q & A and an official close to the sessions.
Usually somewhere around the second session clients experience real change. Change that gives them hope. Change that supercharges them to keep going and change that affirms their decision to try relationship coaching.
The process is platinum in that no stone is left unturned and the couples’ success is ensured. New paths were developed, acceptable and unacceptable behavior was outlined, contingencies and a host of course correction options are given to help clients get on track and stay on track( that’s the how-to care for each other and how to care for the vehicle info) a time frame as well as milestones are agreed upon. Clients are fully clad, armed & determined to create the change they need to see to reach their goals. For some clients that means a happily ever after together. For others it means having a happily ever after living in whole health, peace and self-love, apart. Some have goals to buy a house and to be married with the 2.5 kids they always hoped to have. For others just being at peace would be the paradise they were pondering. In either case the design and the outcome is the couples’ choosing. The relationship coach just serves as the GPS to instruct them on where and when to make the necessary lane changes and turns on an incredible journey of personal and of collective growth, development, and transformation. So what about you? Do you want to be the monster or the medicine?
For some clients that means a happily ever after together. For others it means having a happily ever after living in whole health, peace and self-love, apart. Some have goals to buy a house and to be married with the 2.5 kids they always hoped to have. For others just being at peace would be the paradise they were pondering. In either case the design and the outcome is the couples’ choosing.
In closing, my love for relationship coaching began as a fluke. I, in complete and total ignorance opened my practice at the cusp of a massive movement- a movement that hindsight has given me and others like me clear vision and understanding. I dared to help a few clients who were also ignorant of the unfolding trend, who were as ignorance as I was. Interestingly, we were all fueled by desperation. They were desperate to get help for the pains associated with relationship complications, poor communication, little to no intimacy, and at least a steady diet of arguments & fights and excruciatingly loud episodes of silence. I was attempting to manifest a 30-year-old dream of having my own practice. Thankfully our paths crossed. Initially I was hardened by the weightiness of the issues with which I was presented. In a relatively short period of time, I stopped having fun. All the joy of having a new start up drained from my being…until. Until I landed a client-a couple out west who were willing to give relationship coaching a try. They had tried everything else before I contacted them. Unbeknownst to me until after I finished my sessions with them, they vowed that if the coaching didn’t help they were moving quickly toward getting a divorce, They already had a plan to split the kids, their assists and live life apart.
It moved something deep down inside of me that gets moved with every interaction I have with my relationship coaching clients. I’ve come to realize the fact that my contribution to this field was truly impactful, it was life changing.
The downs of marriage were too much for them. They were fatigued, they were at whit’s end and they were scarred by the ugly that had taken place in their marriage. Thankfully they shared their sorrows in painful teary-eyed detail during their very last session with me and their story touched me. The coaching worked and it saved their marriage and they told me that it brought them so much joy to have a happy home again. A home free of intense arguments, anger and hostility. It moved something deep down inside of me that gets moved with every interaction I have with my relationship coaching clients. I’ve come to realize the fact that my contribution to this field was truly impactful, it was life changing. It made a difference. I started to believe in myself and my curriculum’s ability to truly help couples. With that one couple, I was transformed and a shift took place within me and then in my practice, and I made relationship coaching a top priority. I dialed down everything else I was working on and spent more and more of my time helping relationship clients. At one point in mid-2021 I had no fewer than 20 couples on record at a time for several months. My love for relationship clients, my thirst to help them drove me to extend my office hours to 12-hour days, 7 days a week. Hours that I have maintained ever since. That was the beginning a real love affair. What about you? How’s your love life? If you need a an experience, research savvy, relationship coach, I know a guy. LOL.
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References
Harvey, B. J. (2020, April 6). Why Coaching Is One Of The Fastest Growing Industries In The World. Retrieved from Authenticeducation.com.au: https://www.authentic.com.au/blog/coaching/coaching-fastest-growing-industries-in-the-world/
Sinclair, M. (2019, February 24). Why the Self-Help Industry Is Dominating the U.S. Retrieved from Medium.com: https://medium.com/s/story/no-please-help-yourself-981058f3b7cf#:~:text=By%20the%202000s%2C%20the%20self,class%20and%20laissez%2Dfaire%20economics.
The 30+ Most Profitable High-Ticket Business Coaching Niches in 2023. (n.d.). Retrieved from depositfix.com: https://www.depositfix.com/blog/high-ticket-business-coaching-niches
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