By: James W. Falcon, MSOL, CLSSBB
Published April 7, 2023 | April 8, 2023, 1:12pm, EST.
(A 6.6 minute read)
My coaching journey is rooted in the years I served in leadership positions in the customer service call center industry. I fell in love with the nuts and bolts of the interactions I had with my direct reports and I purposed to learn all I could so that I could be better able to support my team members. I had already gained a working understanding of the importance of having frequent 1-on-1 meetings. Slowly but surely the pieces to a gigantic puzzle were coming together and the image shown on the puzzle box cover was taking shape with every interaction with the team members. I started to notice a few tangible results. First, my team members seemed to be more enthusiastic about their work, their individual and their collective performances also increased significantly. Their peers on other teams also noticed and eagerly inquired. Lastly, daily attendance improved. A movement was underway.
It was clear to me to my team and to our superiors that something beyond the ordinary was happening. But instead of just riding the wave and receiving kudos and high fives, I wanted to have a handle on what was happening enough to be able to explain it and to replicate it, whatever it was. So, at the behest of a mentor, I went back to school. I enthusiastically enrolled in an organizational leadership master’s program and began a life changing studying of the impact leaders can have on the performance of their employees. In that 13-month journey, I was a sponge on the beach at the water’s edge at high tide. I learned so much in that timeframe that I even in hindsight I am amazed my brain didn’t explode. I am immensely grateful for the opportunity and the experience.
I fell in love with the nuts and bolts of the interactions I had with my direct reports and I purposed to learn all I could so that I could be better able to support my team members.
Allow me to connect the dots of the above information to my couples’ coaching. In the course of gathering sources in the development of my thesis, I learned about a particular study that changed my life and my approach to supporting employees in their performance improvement ques I learned about scientific study that took place occurred in 1984 and was conducted by researchers T.A. Scandura & G. B. Graen entitled, “moderating Effects of Initial Leader-Member Exchange Status on the Effects of a leadership Intervention” and was published in the Journal of Applied Psychology. Like most scientific studies the focus was rather broad so I will attempt to provide a summary of the salient aspects.
Two groups of employees were the focus of the study. The first group of employees were identified as having “high quality exchange” relationships with their supervisors. The second group was identified as having “low quality exchange relationships” with their supervisors. The study took place over a 26-week period. The supervisors were trained to give performance intervention discussions on a weekly for 30-40 minutes each interaction. The results of the study showed that as the quality of the “exchange relationship” the employee had with the supervisor improved, so did the employees’ performance. And most importantly, the group of low-quality exchange employees’ performances showed greater responsiveness to the leadership intervention effort than did the group of high-quality exchange employees. In essence, the increases in performances of the low-quality employees were a direct result of the attention(the time, the communication and the content of the communication) and the availability and the access they had to their supervisors. The larger point that must be seen from the study is this: both groups were positively impacted by the intervention efforts and as a result both groups experienced performance improvement. In addition, the biggest take away from the study is this: the employees with the low-quality exchange relationships experienced the greatest degree of increase in performance. The reason the employees with the low-quality exchange relationships experienced the largest increase in performance was because they were receiving something from their supervisors during the intervention efforts of the study that they were not receiving prior to the study-their supervisors’ attention & availability. The absence of those elements in their exchanges with their supervisor is why they were labeled as “low quality exchange relationships.” Permit me to totally geek out at this point by cross referencing one of previous blogs. The attention employees receive is so much more important that we realize which was a point made many years before in the Hawthorne Effect.
The results of the study showed that as the quality of the “exchange relationship” the employee had with the supervisor improved, so did the employees’ performance.
Scandura, T.A. & Graen, G. B., 1984
Here’s my attempt to connect the dots between the study’s findings and my couples’ coaching. I meet with clients for 60 minutes ( a little longer than the intervals of the study) weekly over a 2–3-week time frame (a much shorter time frame vs. the study). My coaching is an intervention effort much like the study. The access I provide to my clients is a similar component like the study. The difference in my coaching as compared to the study is that both partners begin was high quality exchange members with me because of the rapport I build with them in the early stages of the coaching process. Another huge difference in my coaching as compared to the study is instead of having the dynamic depend entirely on me, I empower the couple to rely on each other to be the dispensers of availability and attention. In that way as the quality of exchange relationship between them improves, so does their performance-the output-communication, tenderness, attentiveness, intimacy, etc. Goals are accomplished and everyone walks away satisfied with very favorable outcome.
In that way as the quality of exchange relationship between them improves, so does their performance-the output: communication, tenderness, attentiveness, intimacy, etc.
To say that communication is an important aspect of a relationship is the understatement of understatements. Communication is one of the most important, if not the most important aspects in our interactions with others. Armed with this understanding, I was compelled to develop a curriculum for my couples’ coaching clients that thoroughly addressed the communication related problems they were experiencing. From the word go, I empower my couples’ clients with the understanding that the improvements in their relationship that desire to experience will happen in direct proportion to the increase in the quality of their communication & interactions. I further empower them with the fact that communication, is a very powerful tool. A tool that can be used very effectively as a fulcrum to lift the weight of the burdens they’ve been carrying. I like to jolt my clients with the point: the irony in all of our relationship struggles is the fact that considering how absolutely important communication is, it’s the first thing we typically stop doing when challenges arise. It is also the first thing we withhold, either consciously or unconsciously. In so doing it tends to cause the greatest amount of pain because it cuts so deeply. Just in the study, in the absence of certain vital components, we will not have fulfilling experiences. When the right elements are present, we can’t help but to thrive. A lot of what I do for and with my couples’ coaching clients is empowering them with the understanding that communication is the one tool they can never afford to put down. It must be in their possession and in their hands at all times. And, they must be conscious of their need to be skillful in using it as a tool for their individual sakes as well as for the well-being of the partnership. The science completely backs up this point.
To say that communication is an important aspect of a relationship is the understatement of understatements.
I share with them that all of my session work will be centered around imparting to them my DNA as a coach and as a partner in a very successful and healthy relationship. As a result my clients will wade out into the deep of the topic until they are completely immersed in it. Together we will identify the communication breakdowns(the behavior as well as the mindsets) that contributed to poor communication. We will identify the tools needed to make the course corrections and we will go through real world, supervised scenarios so they have the best understanding of how to use the tools in their everyday interactions. And instead of identifying who is at fault, we simply commit to intense times of self-reflection to identify what mindsets each partner has individually that are not in alignment with the new ideals we’ve developed. Most importantly we will participate in activities(much like the intervention efforts in the study) that help them see the new roles and responsibilities they are to play and have and offer more self-reflection time for them to see the relationship’s new ideals from their partner’s perspective in order to foster patience empathy, partnership and deeper commitment to the new shared values. The short-term packages that I offer are typically 5 sessions and take place over a 2–3-week time frame. I spend 80-90% of that time hammering out all they need to know and to do to improve the quality of their communication. I make sure that the clients and I carefully and meticulously develop their goals along with an accompanying vision statement and roadmap in the beginning of their sessions which accounts for a solid 10-20% of the total session time. That way all of us have a clear understanding of where the finish line is, what our mutual responsibilities are in the process, and in what time frame we need to cross the finish line. Milestones and contingencies are incorporated so that we stay on track. In addition to making sure we stay in step time wise and we have safeguards for overall progress, clients can see themselves winning and their excitement builds and their motivation to stay the course increases. It also validates my guidance and expertise and reinforces their decision of choosing me as their coach. Most importantly it provides mutual affirmation partner to partner that they were and continue to be worth the investment they’ve made via time and monetarily in each other. This is the 7th installment in my couples’ coaching communication series. To access the other blog posts click: Coaching Blog. If you or any of your family or friends are ever in need of a skillful, experienced, research savvy coach, please let know, I know a guy. LOL.
For more information on James’ practice, click: A New Horizon Life Coaching Products & Virtual Services. All content and/or images are the real & intellectual property of James W. Falcon and of the Encouragement Is Key Network (c), 2022, unless otherwise noted. The information contained therein should not used nor duplicated without the express written consent of the aforementioned parties.
References:
Scandura, T. A., & Graen, G. B. (1984). Moderating effects of initial leader–member exchange status on the effects of a leadership intervention. Journal of Applied Psychology, 69(3), 428–436. https://doi.org/10.1037/0021-9010.69.3.428
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