Couples’ Coaching: addressing disparities in the relationship dynamic

James W. Falcon, MSOL, CLSSBB

Published April 9, 2023 8:55pm, EST | Updated…

(A 2.4-minute read)

One of the questions that a skilled, experienced couples’ coach can present to clients realize is, is the basis for the partnership on a solid and sturdy enough foundation on which current activities and future aspirations can be built? In other words a deep dive needs to occur to determine if the expected output matches the intended input.  More times than not that assessment is super easy to determine  by analyzing the problems and the challenges the couple was having that prompted them to get coaching.  When

What the coach does in those instances is the help the client to reconcile  the input and output or…help the client to rewrite the input parameters .

disappointments are expressed it’s usually the result of a huge difference between the way a partner acts and thinks in comparison to the way a partner was expected to act.  What the coach does in those instances is the help the client to reconcile  the input and output or either help the client to rewrite the input parameters so that they are more realistic.  Otherwise the offending partner might never have the opportunity nor the wherewithal to be successful and the deck will forever be stacked against him. 

One of the questions that a skilled, experienced couples’ coach can present to clients is, is the basis for the partnership on a solid and sturdy enough foundation on which current activities and future aspirations can be built?

That’s often an opportunity for the coach tackle the core or the foundational aspects of the offended client’s belief system.  Those head to head discussion can be a piece of cake to address or a trip through hell wearing gasoline underpants.  In either case throes issues can be effectively addressed by skilled, experienced coaches.  Peering in the rearview mirror of hindsight, one of the more common instances when kinds of issues surface is when couples place more value on a benefit of partnership than they do in the actual person of their partner.  Experience has shown me that the symptoms of these issues manifest in conversations.  Partners will say things like, I just don’t want to go to anymore weddings alone.  And they connect to a partner that doesn’t want to go to weddings at all.  The one partner is crushed because they were heavily banking on their partner falling in line with their hope and when the scenario plays out differently than hoped they blame their partner for something they were probably never made aware of instead of blaming them self’s for holding their partner to a standard that was never articulated.  An experienced couples’ coach would the two understand the dynamic as well as the disparity  and aid them in developing healthier pathways to more forward in mutual understanding of goals, ideologies, intended input and expected output. 

one of the more common instances when these kinds of issues surface is when couples place more value on a benefit of partnership than they do in the actual person of their partner. 

One more example to bring this point home.  Men allow me to pick on you for a moment.  A man has had a desire to have a partner whom he hoped would prepare his meals of a regular basis.  And all the ladies say in unison,  “ —that!”  Man connects to an amazing woman who can’t cook or doesn’t want to cook and he tries his best to force her or guilt her into being and doing something she isn’t or doesn’t want to be.  That is a common occurrence.  In both instances those things can be by products of a partnership but should not requirements especially if they were never brought up or agreed upon.  Coaches help clients to see that the healthiest approach is to never but more value on a benefit of partnership than you do your actual partner!  Otherwise there will always be disparities in the relationship dynamic.  That is is incredibly powerful Information for couples no matter the stage they are in their relationship.  But where this information can have the most use and value is in the relationship readiness or the dating phases.  Always value your partner more than you do any of the benefits of partnership.

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