Couples’ Coaching: All day love making

James W. Falcon, MSOL, CLSSBB

Published April 10, 2023, 934pm, EST | Updated April 10, 2023, 2:21pm, EST

(A 3.7-minute read)

This the 9th post of a series.

     I am grateful for the many things I’ve done in life that were borne out necessity that I later learned have been legitimized by others. All day love making is one of those topics. I’ve only recently realized it is a “thing” in other circles with the rise of so many challenges being issued across social media platforms. There is certainly no shortage of advice on how to stoke the flames of romance.

     All day love making is an aspect of my couples’ coaching curriculum that I developed to help my couples’ coaching clients plough through both their communicative as well as their intimacy related obstacles. At its core, all day love making was developed to help my clients understand the connection between the quality of their communication and the frequency and quality of their intimacy. In short, I empower clients to see that when & where there are communication related issues there are almost always intimacy related issues.

with the rise of so many challenges being issued across social media platforms, there is certainly no shortage of advice on how to stoke the flames of romance.

     Thankfully my philosophy, my approach has always been and will continue to be to empower clients by giving them practical tools to help them improve the quality of their communication and then show them how to use their improved quality communication in support of  the changes they need and want to see in other areas of their relationship. As quiet as it is kept, communication in general is just that important an ingredient in our interactions with others. I would even go way out on a limb and say that there are very few things that improvements in the quality communication won’t fix!

I would even go way out on a limb and say that there are very few things that improvements in the quality communication won’t fix!

Yup. I said it and I steadfastly stand behind that statement! I can say that so emphatically because the science supports it. And where the science doesn’t support that, experience does. I give clients the basics on how to improve the quality of their communication and ample opportunity to use those tools in supervised exchanges. I then have them take time to think through the elements and aspects of their intimate moments that they enjoy, and I ask them via homework assignments instead of as an in-session assignment(because it might be a bit awkward as an in-session activity). Once they have isolated the aspects of their intimate moments that they like, I then ask them to think through why and how they get to those moments so that they begin to build a process of recreating those moments as often as they like.

Yup. I said it and I steadfastly stand behind that statement! I can say that so emphatically because the science supports it. And where the science doesn’t support that, experience does.

     Once they do that, I explain to them that the magic that happens in private behind closed doors at night when the kids are asleep can be harnessed and cued up throughout the day via text messages, phone calls, and in person interactions that have the aspects that typically aren’t on display until clothes and lights are off at night. For example, I always ask my clients to think about their pillow talk and once again the aspects that are really important, really memorable. I then challenge them to think about the fact that if they are honest, their pillow talk started long before they reached their pillows and bedroom. Boom! Why because it isn’t merely an action it is a state of being. A state of being that is fueled by honesty, vulnerability, and an intense desire to experience something deeper from their partners.

…I explain to them that the magic that happens in private behind closed doors at night when the kids are asleep can be harnessed and cued up throughout the day via text messages, phone calls, and in person interactions that have the aspects that typically aren’t on display until clothes and lights are off…

Then I really challenge them with this next question: who says that kind of an exchange has to be restricted to the bedroom? The answer is “it absolutely doesn’t have to be.” An even better answer is if it works in any room it should work in every room and everywhere else! Right? Couples can begin that process as soon as they wake up and make the necessary deposits and contributions to usher in that ideal state of being all throughout the day.

I really challenge them with this next question: who says that kind of an exchange has to be restricted to the bedroom? The answer is “it absolutely doesn’t have to be.”

     Couples commit to a mindset and the behavior that support that outcome and before you know it, the quality of communication and the quality and frequency of intimacy all go right through the roof. What usually happens then is couples testify to experiencing a complete change in the atmosphere in their home. Because love permeates the air in ways that it hadn’t before or hadn’t in a long time. Think about the times you entered your parents’ bedroom and interrupted them. Long before you heard or saw something that revealed the fact that your parents were making love, you felt a significant change in the atmosphere of the bedroom versus the hallway. It was almost as if you slipped into a bubble. A bubble they created by being intensely and/ or intently aware of each other’s wants and needs and that intensity was fueled by a willingness, honesty, and the like.

Think about the times you entered your parents’ bedroom and interrupted them. Long before you heard or saw something that revealed the fact that your parents were making love, you felt a significant change in the atmosphere…

     As kids we felt that heavy feeling we felt when we walked in on Mom & Dad. Even though we were young and there was a lot we didn’t know, we knew that in those moments that the vibe was different…almost sacred and we’d better back out into the hallway and take whatever was on our minds with us and wait until later to bring it up. As a couple we can create those kinds of sacred spaces in which to interact. And, we can create those kinds of exchanges throughout the day to a degree that we can’t wait to get home and into the bedroom or into any room with our partners. Balance is then restored and the couple is then charged with the task of fueling that momentum. And a good times continue to be had by all! So, if you or anyone you know are ever in need of a skilled, experienced couples’ coach, let me know because I know a guy. LOL.

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