By James W. Falcon,MSOL, CLSSBB
#coaching #selfhelp #selflove #selfcare
Originally written Aug. 16, 2023, 2pm, EST
Published for Daybreak blog Aug. 16, 2023, 4:35pm, EST
A13.5 minute read
Recently I was involved in a project designed to encourage celebration around progress made on goal pursuits. In the course of my time with the project, I became painfully aware of the scores of projects, companies, books and blogs that have created variations of the theme. In an attempt to separate & distinguish the contributions I’ve made to the project from all of the others, I thought to spell things out in a blog post. Because, that’s exactly what the world needs is another blog post, right? It is important to me to outline the uniqueness of my contributions from the others for the sake of the present and the ongoing work I plan to do on this topic, in this particular area. Before I launch I want to paint a good clear picture of the topic of celebrating your accomplishments in proper context. To do so, I’ll present the topic as a single dimension in relation to its 6 companion dimensions. First, let me take you back to the very beginning so that you become acquainted with the whole story. So, here goes.
In 2022, my 20th book was published-Becoming A Self-love practitioner. The book speaks to the conclusions I drew from my rehab journey in an attempt to leave the devastating toll, years of self neglect as well as of ignorance of how to truly, thoroughly care for myself from a whole health perspective, had taken on my body. The book also contains a grizzly account of my experience of being paralyzed on my left side and the challenges I faced in that state of mind and body. Becoming A Self-love Practitioner is about the process I developed to move away from a hands off mentally to a very hands on day to day practice of maintaining my whole health and moving from one level of victory to another in the process. The navigation process I discovered enabled me to divorce myself from many of the physical issues I suffered, the guilt, the self loathing, the self directed anger and the extremely low self esteem that went along with all of the aforementioned states of being. But before I go any farther, let me present the definition of self-love I used in my navigation process and that I still using presently on a much, much deeper level. A February 12,2020 post on the site of the Brain and Behavior Research Foundation explains self-love as…
Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your own well-being and happiness. Self-love means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others. Self-love means not settling for less than you deserve.
Borenstein, 2020
Becoming A Self-love Practitioner is about figuring out how to overcome and how to be an over comer despite the present circumstances. It describes the process of becoming as a never ending, never reach the destination, daily engagement that transforms the practitioner into understanding that they hold the reigns of destiny and whole health firmly, tightly in their hands and they are ready,willing, and capable of making the necessary daily adjustments to ensure their success in any goal pursuit process. In other words change on some level is inevitable. But, how the change takes place is super, super important. I ‘ve been very partial to drew a bit from my Six Sigma training in embracing the term Kiazen. To understand the term in it’s proper context , let’s examine the term and the concept with help from the post on the popular business site investopedia, dated July 22, 2022, entitled, Kaizen: understanding the Japanese business philosophy. The post’s author, Marshall Hargrove, swings for the fence in his post’s opening with the following statement…
Kaizen is a Japanese term meaning change for the better or continuous improvement. It is a Japanese business philosophy that concerns the processes that continuously improve operations and involve all employees. Kaizen sees improvement in productivity as a gradual and methodical process(Hargrove, 2022).
Hargrove, 2022
The take always are as follows: the needed for change might be sudden but the actual change should take place gradually, continually and it must involve everyone. From the principle of Kaizen, I developed the mantra, minor changes in your perspective will produce major changes in your trajectory. And, like kaizen, Becoming A Self-love practitioner is an ongoing process, one would never have the testimony that their transformation is ever finished or complete. Practically speaking, there is no such state of being. The work needed in each of us has to be an ongoing process. Otherwise, the risk of churning out perfect being is high and ego inflation is an even higher risk and is more detrimental. So humbly applying the principles puts us all on the same playing field as works in progress.
Allow me to digress a bit and to return to the definitions perspective. Becoming A Self-love Practitioner has 7 dimensions. While their is no end or finish line in the developmental process there is most certainly a beginning. And, like most change and transformation methodologies, Becoming A Self Love Practitioner’s first dimension is fittingly, the Assessment/Assignment Process. It allows the would be practitioner the ability to be in tuned with all of the layers and aspects of their wellbeing and to address whatever the issues are that might threaten or put at jeopardy the balance of the practitioner’s overall health and well-being. Determining what the threats are and where they are, i.e., pain in the physical body, fatigue in the spiritual body, a heaviness or sorrow in the emotional body, all speak to concerns that will prompt the would be practitioner to seek help. It would compel the the practitioner to solicit the help of professionals, post haste. The two operative words for the first dimension are early & often. Lastly, like Becoming A Self Love Practitioner is an ongoing effort, so to is the Assessment/Assignment Process. It is a process. The end of which is for the practitioner to be optimally healthy each day.
The second dimension of “Becoming” is cultivating An Achiever’s mindset which speaks to another ongoing routine and habit of the practitioner to stoke and nurture a healthy mindset about their engagement of real life, real world matters. This dimension forges the practitioner as a instrument of change and themselves as a change agent. This dimension like it’s companion dimensions are action items. They are necessities not options. They are the life blood of the practitioners’ very existence. They are self-care activities that together offer the practitioner the very best opportunities to make hefty daily deposits into their self-love accounts thereby dramatically increasing the balances of their self-love.
The third dimension is A New Frame of Reference. This dimension is by far the most versatile if not the most empowering. The reason is it draws from the first two dimensions and prompts the practitioner who up to this point has been keenly aware of themselves, their health and well-being to now apply that keen awareness to their environment and to study it, in order to understand how, in the context of their new or changing environment, they can win and succeed. It is the first of the dimensions that prompts the practitioner to pay more attention to the world around them more than the world within(themselves). By the third dimension, practitioners have been students preparing for real world experience much like a college student who has just graduated prepares to embark on a journey of seeking their first job in the real world. In the third dimension the practitioner’s success is dependent upon how well they did in the previous dimension and how aptly they will be able to apply their comprehensive knowledge in and to an environment.
The fourth dimension affords the practitioner a few tools to use to ensure their success. The three previous dimensions empowered the practitioner with habits that they needed to form and rely on. The fourth dimension is the first to afford tools instead of habits. Those tools are summarized in a very simple but powerful phrase that equips the practitioner for their goal development, goal pursuit, goal attainment journey.The concept is to align their speech to goal aspirations so that from the onset of setting their sights on something in the future they learn to bridge the gap between today and that magical day that awaits them in the future with what they say. The fourth dimension is Affirmations/Declarations. So let’s examine tthis dimension from a semantics perspective, shall we? Looking first at the root word affirm according to the Oxford languages online dictionary means “affirming state as a fact; assert strongly and publicly.”. Therefore an affirmation as per the same online source is “the action or process of something or being affirmed, and “emotional support or encouragement.” Declaration as per the same source is, “a formal or explicit statement or announcement, and “the formal announcement of the beginning of a state or condition.”
Together these concepts supercharge this dimension and give practitioners the keys to unlock their destiny or least their goal pursuit journey by inviting them to believe in their pursuit so deeply as fact, real, or worthwhile, that they testify to that fact in the open court of their lives with confidence and conviction. In doing so, that testimony provides emotional support as well as encouragement for them to stay on task. And, as if that weren’t enough, it gives an additional level of passion by proclaiming and formally announcing publicly the thing that burns within. The operative phrase from this dimension regarding any goal pursuit is, “I’m am compelled to reach for the thing I envision. And, I am committed to keep saying it untilI I see it.(manifested).” Yup. Wow.
The fifth dimension is yet another invitation to develop a worthwhile habit and routine. It is Creating Some W’s. In this dimension, another real world external opportunity is afforded the practitioner. In this dimension, the practitioner is prompted to survey their immediate surroundings and to select three very easy tasks that they can succeed in accomplishing. Three relatively small tasks that are not time intensive. And take time to focus on giving the energy and effort needed to complete the tasks one after the other. This is another self care activity. The practitioner is encouraged to select those tasks from within their home or office. Or from any one room or area. This provides the practitioner with multiple things that all ultimately increases their self-love balance. Not only does this afford notches on a belt but it also boosts confidence and creates a momentum that fuels a desire to do more and to want to take on new challenges. The operative word in this dimension is momentum which is a key ingredient to any personal growth and develop journey and or goal pursuit. Entrepreneur and performance coach, Brendan Baker says of the concept of momentum in a recent post on lifehack.org…
By building momentum, you are creating a world in which you are more productive, more effective, and more efficient. Momentum helps you get over the initial hurdle of not being able to start something and then pushes you through to the end. Momentum helps build positive thinking and energy to help you progress towards your goals.
Baker, 2023
Can you image the huge boost this dimension will provide to practitioners?
The sixth dimension affords another tool and practice for the practitioner. The sixth dimension is Begin Again and it offers the first and the only contingency among the dimensions. Like it or not, believe it or not as headstrong as we can be in goal pursuits we have to be honest enough with ourselves and with those around us to understand that there is chance that something could arise that might prevent us from reaching our goal or at the very least delay us from crossing the finish line. It is best to try to identify what that something could be and to have a plan ready that offers a workaround, an off-ramp, or an airlift over, around that potential hurdle. Wisdom and experience dictate that every good goal pursuit should have such a contingency built into it. In the absence of a contingency, the pursuer is leaving him or herself unprotected when in fact protection and focus is the name of the game in any goal pursuit process. Without a contingency, the pursuer is actually inviting calamity. So, the sixth dimension covers that base by offering Begin Again. In the event the practitioner experiences any adversity along the way to whatever degree, they have an option. A very viable option. And, that is to simply pull the car over for a spell and rest, regroup, realign, etc. and then to re-engage in the journey. Beginning again prevents the practitioner from having the option to quit. Instead it offers a healthier option-to reset(another R word).Begin Again allows the practitioner to stay engaged in the goal pursuit but at an adjusted pace and hopefully with an adjusted mindset. The practitioner can usethis dimension as a one time event or as often as is necessary based how the cards of life are dealt to them.
The final dimension is definitely a habit that is as needful and can be as impactful as any of the other dimensions. It is Celebrate Your Accomplishments. There is no better way to fuel one’s self-love balance than this dimension. It is so powerful because it is one we as human don’t do enough because we tend to be really comfortable tooting our own horns. We don’t like to garner attention accept on our birthdays or on special occasions. The idea of this dimension is to see, understand and to act upon our worth and value all year long, and after any and every bit of progress we make on our goal pursuit journeys. The other element inclusive here is similar to that found in dimension one in that the practitioner seeks to get others involved, early and often. The other point here is that this dimension prompts the practitioner to see their worth and value apart and aside from an event but as intrinsic. And, when you understand that your value is not something that can be obtained because it is already set. Instead the practitioner understands that they are empowered by that value. That value is a state of being and a state of mind. A state of existence which they choose to live by and in like a luxury home. It is their residence of choice. It compels them to say and to do. Because they understand their value instead of laboring under false pretenses to try to obtain or conjure their value. That makes the celebration so much easier to happen as well as to enjoy. So, as it relates to celebrating our accomplishments we should be moving steadily, consciously and swiftly from not doing it enough to not doing it often enough! Booyah!
If you haven’t figured out by now, Becoming is definitely a goal oriented, goal facilitating approach to life (internally and wellbeing wise) as well externally(in our immediate environment). Make no mistake about it. Becoming is about, overcoming. Becoming is about reaching for more. Becoming is about personal empowerment on the highest levels. Becoming is the antithesis of licking our wounds and living in lack or fear, or confusion. Becoming is about experiencing life in full color as a victor not a victim. And anyone that might ask well, when or where are the opportunities to reflect on from whence you’ve come and to make note of your presence circumstances? The answer is this: multiple exits ago, back in dimension one-the Assessment/Assignment Process. That happens there as early and as often as the practitioner has need. That’s why it is the first dimension. Because it ensures the practitioner has a healthy start and frees the practitioner up of the burden of living a conflicted existence. This way the practitioner can live with clarity and confidence to be who they truly are meant to be in every area of their lives and in all settings. Dimensions 2,3 & 4 provide the “how to’s” in different or changing settings and situations so that the practitioner always has a plan of action that is forward thinking and forward motion compelling. Becoming is not for the weak nor faint of heart! But is tailor made for anyone and everyone who is sick and tired of being sick and tired. Those craving change. Those that long for something bigger, better, something else. It is a transformational process that facilitates grand change within that can’t be contained and that will ultimately shape and impact the world around them. Lastly Becoming is the perfect all inclusive coaching curriculum. I designed it that way because I use it just that way. However, I have to say this. This is one of those rare instances where something coaching related has a therapy based benefit. Goals pursuits are extremely helpful and can be therapeutic. But don’t take my word for it. There any number of mentions of this across the internet. One such mention can be found in a June 14, 2019 post on positivepsychology.com which says…
Goal setting is also an important part of mental health. In one study, that looked at goal setting and wellbeing, people participated in three short one-hour sessions where they set goals. The researchers compared those who set goals to a control group, that didn’t complete the goal-setting exercise. The results showed a causal relationship between goal setting and subjective wellbeing(Riopel).
Riopel, 2019
What began as a few notes a man recovering from a near death experience made to memorialize his journey, became an all inclusive coaching curriculum that is as versatile a tool in the hands of coaches as I hope it is as informative in the hands of readers and that over time more and more people are interested In Becoming A Self-Love Practitioner, both the book and the practice.
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References:
Baker, B. (2023, March 9). 3 strategies to build momentum in life and find success. Lifehack. https://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/3-must-do-strategies-for-building-momentum-in-life.html
Borenstein, J. (2020, February 12). Self-love and what it means. Brain & Behavior Research Foundation. https://www.bbrfoundation.org/blog/self-love-and-what-it-means
Falcon, J. W. (2022). Becoming a self-love practitioner. BLURB.
Hargrave, M. (2022). Kaizen: Understanding the Japanese business philosophy. Investopedia. https://www.investopedia.com/terms/k/kaizen.asp
Riopel, L. (2023, April 6). The importance, benefits, and value of goal setting. PositivePsychology.com. https://positivepsychology.com/benefits-goal-setting/
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All information in this blog post are the intellectual property of the author, James W. Falcon and his helps network, Encouragement Is Key, unless otherwise noted. Any information drawn from this post should be cited properly using standard scholastic writing guidelines and/or used with the express written consent of James or his Network.
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James W. Falcon, MSOL, CLSSBB is Certified Master Life Coach and holds certifications in 15 different coaching areas, including a Lean Six Sigma Black Belt. He is also the founder & principal life coach of A New Horizon Life Coaching Products & Virtual Services-a 5-Star coaching practice that provides coaching support for life, relationships, business and career related goal pursuits. The practice is a subsidiary of his helps network, Encouragement Is Key, 2023.
Contact info:
James W. Falcon, MSOL, CLSSBB
email: anewhorizonlifecoachinglcpvs@gmail.com
Website: https://wp.me/PcGncE-5
Phone: 855.962.6324
A New Horizon Coaching & Consulting Virtual Services 